As evidenced by yet ANOTHER longwinded campaign speech. There can be no doubt that the man is extremely articulate, and even inspirational, if not on a superficial level, but I can't help but wonder when we'll finally be treated to a speech that isn't reminiscent of July '08. In case you missed the memo, Barack, you've won. You simply do not need to continue stumping. America was sold on Hope and Change™ long ago, but at some point, you're going to have to bring a message that is much more severe and honest.
A few excerpts and comments/translations:
The weight of this crisis will not determine the destiny of this nation. The answers to our problems don't lie beyond our reach. They exist in our laboratories and our universities, in our fields and our factories, in the imaginations of our entrepreneurs and the pride of the hardest-working people on Earth.
With all due respect Mr. President . . . just what in the hell are you talking about? The weight of this crisis IS determining our destiny. And that destiny is to have our tax dollars diverted to sleezy bankers and fraudster home debtors who brought a $14 trillion juggernaut to its knees. Hardest working people on earth? I suggest you revise that statement to reflect the obvious: Americans may very well be the people who work the most hours annually, but exactly where has it gotten us? Jaw dropping rates of heart disease, cancer and mental illness . . . and don't forget crushing debt.
The cost of health care eats up more and more of our savings each year, yet we keep delaying reform.
Our children will compete for jobs in a global economy that too many of our schools do not prepare them for.
And though all of these challenges went unsolved, we still managed to spend more money and pile up more debt, both as individuals and through our government, than ever before.
There you go! Now that's more like it. All you had to add was the following . . . So, stop eating so goddamn much Wendys and WALK to the corner store once in awhile. Smack your degenerate kids upside the head and rip the Xbox game controllers from their hands. Then march them down to the nearest park or cafe where Asian and Eastern European kids play chess and gently remind them that "those kids are far more intelligent than you and you'll be competing with them in 5 years". And hopefully most of you idiots now know that you cannot continue to spend like you did, especially now that you're probably about one paycheck from forming up in the soup lines.
Over -- over the next two years, this plan will save or create 3.5 million jobs. More than 90 percent of these jobs will be in the private sector, jobs rebuilding our roads and bridges, constructing wind turbines and solar panels, laying broadband and expanding mass transit.
Over the next two years, this program will spend frantically in an attempt to save or create jobs that would otherwise be redundant and completely unnecessary. The government will oversee a spending free for all, no, a public works boondoggle of astounding proportions and that should terrify each and every one of you, especially in light of how we so mismanaged the financial system over the last 25 years. Sure, we'll build some solar panels and maybe a wind turbine or two, but more than that, we'll pay handsomly to allow people who generally leaned on shovels and engaged in other busy work to continue doing so, but at a premium. We'll overpay for nearly every project we undertake as throwing trillions of dollars at a massive problem without well-defined methods and rigorous oversight is a recipe for corruption and graft. I promise that my friends who helped get me elected will be rewarded for their campaign contributions - wink, wink.
Because of this plan, there are teachers who can now keep their jobs and educate our kids. Health care professionals can continue caring for our sick. There are 57 police officers who are still on the streets of Minneapolis tonight because this plan prevented the layoffs their department was about to make.
Because of this plan, there are teachers who can now keep their jobs despite the fact that they themselves are hardly qualified to teach gym, let alone history, biology and calculus. They can continue to coddle problem students with the pass/fail grading system (it's good for self-esteem, don't you know) and allow disruptive little ghetto thugs to cheat ambitious, dedicated students out of a quality education rather than allow them to just drop out and take on their dream job of installing car stereos. Health care professionals cyborgs can continue treating patients in a completely detached and aloof manner while charging them thousands of dollars for medical procedures that cost $5 in most parts of the world. And finally, there are 57 police brutalizers eating donuts and tazering kids who would otherwise be at home beating their spouses, kids and pets.
Because of this plan, 95 percent of working households in America will receive a tax cut, a tax cut that you will see in your paychecks beginning on April 1st.
Because of this plan, 95% of working households in America will receive a tax cut that pays for approximately 1/2 of a tank of gas each week. This will help those of you who still have jobs and commute to work.
Second -- second, we have launched a housing plan that will help responsible families facing the threat of foreclosure lower their monthly payments and refinance their mortgages.
It's a plan that won't help speculators or that neighbor down the street who bought a house he could never hope to afford, but it will help millions of Americans who are struggling with declining home values, Americans who will now be able to take advantage of the lower interest rates that this plan has already helped to bring about. In fact, the average family who refinances today can save nearly $2,000 per year on their mortgage.
We have launched a housing plan that will mostly help irresponsible home owners, especially that neighbor down the street who bought a house he could never hope to afford. Oh, and those of you who are stuck making mortgage payments on homes that are 50-60% overpriced . . . well, we're really sorry about that, but lower interest rates will lessen the payments, but you'll still have to pay every goddamn red cent while your neighbor gets a cram down.
I will not send -- I will not spend a single penny for the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive, but I will do whatever it takes to help the small business that can't pay its workers or the family that has saved and still can't get a mortgage.
That's what this is about. It's not about helping banks; it's about helping people.
I will not expressly spend billions and even trillions rewarding Wall Street executives; they'll have to find a way to siphon off taxpayer money for that, and given the manner in which they've confused, confounded and deceived the masses thus far, I don't anticipate that being a problem. This IS about helping banks--those very same banks that helped bankroll my $600 million campaign. If it weren't, we wouldn't have handed them hundreds of billions without oversight and clear directives stating when and how that money will be repaid.
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