Before The Apocalypse

Obama, Geithner ride to the market's rescue - Dow pukes up almost 400 points in response!!

Now I'm gonna hear it from that fairy Frank and that bitch Pelosi

Today at high noon, Little Timmy Geithner stepped to the podium and announced to the entire nation that his plan to remove toxic assets from bank balance sheets wasn't so much a deliberate set of coordinated actions as it was mere economic free association and pure improvisation. The market, which hates uncertainty, gave him a resounding thumbs down and proceeded to sell off fast and furiously, closing down almost 400 points. 

Yep, it was Tiny Tim's first big assignment but it appeared that the dog ate his homework and he failed miserably. The Obama/Geithner plan non-plan confirmed that our leadership is clueless after all and hasn't the foggiest notion what steps it should take in order to unfreeze lending. With each passing day, the obvious solution becomes clearer -nationalization- and yet we persist with silly, futile hypotheses like bad banks -nationalization- and "ring fencing" -nationalization- when all that's really required is, hmmmm, oh right, nationalization. But we can't go around wiping out common shareholders, can we? And what about all those poor, wretched preferred and bond shareholders? We mustn't wipe out speculators who knew all too well that their money was susceptible to such vicissitudes . . . 

I don't often reveal myself for the tin foil hatter I am outside the blogosphere, but I have this strange feeling that maybe little Timmy had made promises to a few old bankster buddies who knew he would tank the market with his intentionally vague presentation. Billions of dollars went to work shorting the market and made an absolute killing. Even the brief spike in buying right before the sell-off didn't go unnoticed by a relative novice like myself. I'm sure it it was more than coincidental that a market meltdown translated into a massive flight to safety in US treasuries--something that has become a much harder sell as of late. Good luck, Timmy. Sleep tight and don't let the big Hedgies bite . . .

Do I hear 5 millions jobs. Anyone? 5 million - do I have 6?

Grow more dope!!

We're taking bets on the number of jobs the Great One will promise (and inevitably fail to deliver) here at MLC. When all is said and done, just how many jobs do you reckon he'll actually create? It's almost impossible to keep track; after all, the figures change on an almost weekly basis. I believe he initially promised approximately 2.5 million--an extraordinary feat in and of itself--and was revised upward, finally peaking at around 5 million just a few days ago.

Just what kind of jobs will be created, or "saved", remains to be seen, but with geniuses like Pelosi, Reid and Dodd on the case, it's money toxic assets in the bank. I have to admit, I am rather curious about how we'll quantify the number of jobs that have been "saved" by the stimulus. Personally, I think there's room for at least another 5 million mortgage brokers or investment bankers, but I believe complex financial engineering should lead us out of this mess the same way it landed us here. We cannot simply abandon the tertiary economy and begin producing finished goods cuz, I mean, like, you know, making stuff is soooo overrated. Give it a year or two and the Chinese will be begging us to sell them MBSs and CDOs for a .05% return.

Overall, the best course of action would be to invest in several large, tangled bureaucracies that consist of more mid and senior level managers than actual laborers. It's also important to rush into projects without a definitive plan or goal so workers can spend half the day discussing the project and the other half leaning on shovels and holding up walls. And it's a good thing that so many of those who lost their jobs were moonlighting as construction foremen. They'll have no problem making the transition from loan underwriter to cement finisher.

So we overpaid by $78 billion. And? Go fuck yourselves . . .

It ain't easy bein' sleazy

This is the message Paulson, Geithner, Bush, Obama and the rest of the Wall Street Bail Out Bunch are indirectly sending out. I know no one will ever mistake Americans for the sharpest knives in the drawer, but our response to this patently obvious scam seems fairly muted, even for the most brainwashed civilization to ever plague the earth. You know all is lost when the announcement that $78 billion has essentially been pissed down a rat hole never to be recovered doesn't raise an eyebrow - anywhere. I can understand if we overpaid by a billion or so, but 78? Just who the hell was pricing these assets? Mugabe? And how did they arriving at such vastly inflated figures? When you're dumpster diving for crumbs in some back alley, please think back to what $78 billion could have done (other than allow bankers to snort diamond dust and screw Victoria's Secret models at your expense). 

Imagine that your neighbor has asked you to buy him a middle of the road 5-series BMW then handed you his checkbook and sent you on your way. Now imagine that you shopped around, bought a 1978 Datsun and paid $250,000 more than it was worth. Think your neighbor would slit your throat in your sleep and burn your house down? Probably, but the more germane question is: why the fuck would your neighbor trust you with his checkbook in the first place? Well, America . . . why did you trust a former Goldman Sachs executive with your $350 billion?

Elizabeth Warren, the chairwoman of the panel, said former Treasury secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. had promised that the government would buy the assets at their market value and that it was alarming that he didn't do so. "At various points, Treasury has articulated policy objectives which could result in a program involved paying substantially more for investments than they appear to have been worth at the time of the transaction," she said in written testimony submitted to the Senate Banking Committee yesterday. "The American people want to know what's going on and they deserve answers.

(On a personal note, I'm -GASP- shocked to the core that Paulson DIDN'T actually do what he said he would, and I'm sure all of you are as well. It's surprising that any member of this Senate panel could keep a straight face knowing that aim of this "program" was precisely that which it achieved - overpaying).

The panel's findings do not imply that the government has lost money on the investment because companies are still required to repay the amount invested plus interest.

Well, I know I feel better. What a relief to know that someday Citi, BofA, AIG, Countrywide and the rest of these thieving entities will be paying us back the trillions they owe us. And just as soon as the trillions in toxic mortgage backed assets and CDOs that sit festering on their books regain their 2007 values, all will return to normal . . . I sure am glad to know that I can do something to help housing flipppers/fraudsters, bankers and politicians make a buck or two on the backs of our misery. 

You're all cowardly pieces of shit whose heads are buried so far up your asses, only American Idol and the latest Brangelina pregnancy are cause enough for you to retract them. Just out of curiosity . . . have any of you heard from Big Hank since his departure? Any idea what he might be up to now? Of course you haven't heard from him. He's too busy spending your money on gold-plated toilet seats and luxury jets. Oh and I'm almost certain he's finalizing the details on his Wall Street consultancy that guarantees to maximize a participating firms' access to TARP funds. Maybe he's just returning to Goldman just in time to get his hands on some of that sweet, sweet TARP pie. Mmmmmmm!

DIE AMERICA, DIE!!!

QotD: Can you name an Obama cabinet nominee who isn't dogged by tax problems?

 

 

2008-05-monopoly

 

Give up? The correct answer is: they don't exist. Obammy sure has a penchant for picking tax dodgers and pay for players, doesn't he? That's not very Change You Can Believe In. So, let's see . . . there's Killefer, Daschle, Richardson, Geithner, and now, Solis. Either Emanuel isn't vetting these selections very well on the front end, or nearly every beltway politician is cheating on their taxes. My money's on the latter, although I imagine we could even find a few discrepancies in Emanuel's filings if we dug deep enough. A man doesn't amass a $10-12 million fortune without cheating somwehere along the way. It comes with the territory, particularly given his former line of work: Wall Street Scamster.

Update: loser octuplet mom always wanted "large family"

 

 

I always wanted 101 . . . children

I too have found myself caught up in daytime reveries wherein I have 14 children, none of whom I can provide for without hundreds of thousands in public assistance and gifts from other fucked up women with pretensions of spawning an entire baseball team. I mean, I really want a large family, not one of those puny families of seven. Now I don't know if doctors are required to do a psych rotation before getting their licenses, but someone please verify that these dildos are indeed licensed physicians and mentally fit to practice. Someone must put a stop to this before they become the center of a new reality TV show called "Makin' Bacon" or "Infertility 911".  Honestly, this woman must disguise her deep-seated mental illness really well, or these doctors are just fucking morons-I can't decide which. Actually, I think they just wanted some exposure and to get paid in the process. But good luck with the forthcoming inquest. Hope you fucking turds lose your licenses.

 

As this story develops, details are starting to emerge about this trashy little sperm receptacle. Not one to stray from the usual cliche-strewn path, it appears that Ms. Suleman is already entertaining book, TV and movie deals. Suleman has even expressed interest in conducting interviews with Oprah and Diane Sawyer (Diane Sawyer - WTF?) for beaucoup bucks in order to help defray the cost of raising 14 fatherless children destined to grow up ignorant, destitute, ignorant, deprived, ignorant and without a functional maternal figure. Somewhere a mangy producer is dreaming up an unimaginative reality show concept called "15 Is Enough" that will generally consist of naked kids with chocolate stainage around their mouths running wildly about a donated foreclosure home while mentally unstable mom attempts to impregnate herself with a turkey baster and the next door neighbor's sperm so she can squirt out another pup or two, because she "always wanted 16 20 kids".

 

I don't know if it's fluoride in the water, depleted uranium or NASCAR, but something specific to America brings out the white trash in people. What sort of twat thinks she needs another 8 children when she certainly had her hands full with the existing six, one of whom has autism. For as long as I shall live, I will never comprehend why a doctor would implant 8 embryos in an unemployed 33-year-old mother of six. One would think that women seeking this sort of treatment must undergo some sort of psych testing, or at the very least, be forced to divulge certain financial information. Her deadbeat parents certainly didn't loan her the dough. Oh well, Americans are furious or ambivalent, but either way they'll take it in the ass and raise this woman's children for her. It takes a village of idiots to raise a child . . .

 

Thank you Soot and Ashes!

The following is an excerpt from one of my favorite blogs:

"Well, you know there are a lot of engineered NWO zombies out there, so they might fall for this scam.

Politicians are busy like crazy now, trying to get more financial slaves to support Zionist bankers and the global elite. After all, they need their limos, expensive hookers, fancy dinners, luxury pads!

Run zombies to become financial slaves for the global elite and crooked politicians! Look look, Hollywood-high school-dropout celebs just endorsed something, so run brainwashed women to give your hard earned money to their coffers, so they can rent a Caribbean Island for $50k per night, buy a $10k handbag, or spend most of the money in Europe. Run zombie slaves!"

 

It's not how I might have summed up what's currently unfolding but it's pretty accurate nonetheless. I love the "rent a Caribbean Island for $50K a night" part. So true.

Senate agrees on $15K tax credit for home purchases . . .

Train's leavin' the station - don't rush but HURRY!!

Now all we have to do is ensure that millions of borderline indigent Americans qualify for a loan with their newly tarnished credit scores and unemployed or underemployed status. Oh, and the best part is, they'll still be trying to purchase homes that are anywhere from 20-50% overpriced! I wonder . . . will they be required to come up with a 25% down payment as well? And more importantly, will our undocumented friends from south of the border be allowed to participate? Because I honestly couldn't get behind this if I had an inkling that it was anything less than an inclusive, Hope and Change™ kind of deal. It's really disheartening to see these parasites people, whose finespun, sophisticated culture that adds so immeasurably to our own highly refined American Idol/Gossip GIrl society, are returning to Mexico in droves. Maybe this will convince them to come back and give birth to 9 more children at the taxpayers' expense. We can only keep our fingers crossed.

Furthermore, I don't give a shit if banks are coerced into offering a 4% 40 year fixed loan, most Americans simply cannot afford some toxic shithole that is, depending on where you live, so overpriced that it can only result in foreclosure-AGAIN. Speaking of foreclosures . . . am I the only one who envisions the US being beset by an entirely new wave of foreclosures in 3-5 years because dumb fuck Americans could not restrain themselves, and rushed out to buy sparkly stainless steel and granite McMansions?

How many of you think all the jobs that were recently shed (and will continue to evaporate up until Q3 of 2010) are coming back? Global demand for goods and services was forever diminished after this little fiasco. Undoubtedly many new jobs will be created in new sectors, but humans will always be easily discarded. Besides, the upper 1% can't have you getting all uppity on them--you know, with that fancy book lernin. While wages are stagnant, homes will remain eternally overpriced for everyone except the aforementioned 1% who would prefer that you rent their overpriced hovels. Honestly, it's time to start kiling the people who enslave you, but instead you'll just double down and work your fingers to the bone so they can ship out to Vegas every quarter to party with strippers and blow--at your expense. Enjoy. 

And how about all those people who bought new homes over the last two years and won't get any piece of this tax credit action? I can foresee millions of Americans walking away from their homes in protest, particularly if they were responsible and kept up on their payments. Between their deadbeat neighbors benefitting from principle reductions, aka, cram downs and up and comers getting a sizable tax credit towards the purchase of a new home, I think many will be reaching critical mass in very short order. I for one, welcome it. I just adore watching Americans lose control and run amok.

And finally, just how in the fuck are we going to compensate for this loss in revenue? Jesus H. Christ people - we're soon going to have a national debt that exceeds our GDP by a few trillion. And fucking spare me the WWII comparisons. We were the largest creditor in the world and produced top flight textiles, industrial equipment and autos. Now we're nothing more than the world's most degenerate gamblers who went all in at the profligate poker table and lost everything. We don't make a thing of value, unless of course you think we can export shovel ready thingamajigs to China. I certainly don't think we'll be exporting anymore of our complex but "highly lucrative" financial instruments, do you? In a word--WE ARE FUCKED. Put a fork in it. China may buy our treasuries for a time, but wait until you see what a dollar's going to buy in this brave new America. Think Blow Pops. HA!!

"Speculators not to blame for high oil prices"

The Ass Reaming Experience!!

Remember when Wall Street and the Pumpadumper blowhards over at CNBC trotted this pig out out of the pin to see if America would buy it? Pathetic. So, how many of you still think that the doubling of oil prices in less than one year can be attributed solely to spikes in demand and limited supply? A better question follows this excerpt:

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- An influential oil-policy group released a report Tuesday arguing that the increase in oil-market speculation is not driving up crude prices. But the study far from ends the debate.

Since 2003, the volume of investment funds in commodity markets - especially oil - rose from about $15 billion to $260 billion, according to the International Energy Agency (IEA), which issued the report.

And many argue that all that extra money sloshing around is to blame for prices doubling from $71 last July to roughly $140 today.

How many of you think that a 17 fold increase in the amount of speculative hot money chasing oil futures had a teensy weensy impact on fuel prices? Nah, perish the thought. Good thing we've got the IEA to set us straight:

Instead, the IEA put the blame for higher crude prices squarely on strong growth in demand coupled with limited growth in supply.

"If supply is constrained and demand is increasing, prices have to rise," read the report.

The IEA argues that if speculation drives prices too high, the market would be unbalanced. Either demand would fall off, or stockpiles would rise. Neither has happened.

In fact, global demand for oil products has surpassed supply in every quarter since the fourth quarter of 2006, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration.

Fast-growing economies like China and India are consuming more and more oil. Meanwhile, it's difficult for oil-producing countries to quickly ramp up output.

Ok, I'll agree that demand was indeed significantly greater than it is presently, but demand was also quite strong in July of '06 and August of '07. This begs the question: why the violent increase in oil prices? Why didn't a barrel of oil cost at least $100 in July of '07? China was growing at 10.7 in '06 and at 11.4% in '07 while India was at 8.5 in '06 and 9% in '07. The growth rates in Latin America had quickened but not to such a degree that they could explain a doubling in oil prices. If supply was so constrained, why were Venezuela, Ecuador, and to a lesser extent, Brazil all able to subsidize the stuff?

The IEA says that the oil market would become unbalanced if prices we're driven too high. Gee, does that remind anyone of another bubble that recently burst? Demand for homes has dropped substantially while "stockpiles" are at an all time high. Pretty funny! Another thing I find strange . . . Seems like oil producing countries are now having a hard time CURBING OUTPUT even as prices are crashing. Nigeria is still cheating on OPEC and I'm sure they're not alone. Sorry, it doesn't add up. Speculators were to blame and everyone knows it. But go on thinking it was supply and demand if that's easier for you to accept . . . .

Obama's turn to resort to scare tactics to ram TARP II/Stimulus through the Senate

 

Starring Barack Obama as the Savior

This stratagem seems vaguely familiar somehow. Where have we seen this before? Hmmmmm? It seems that Obama, quick study that he is, has taken a cue from Paulson and Bush in attempting to browbeat and shame the Republicans into rapid passage of his $900 billion boondogggle. You had to know it wouldn't be long before the big guy himself was on national TV warning Americans about the horrible fate that awaited them unless overnight ratification of another pork-laden, blank check scamarama occurred.

But come to think of it, why shouldn't he be using scare tactics? They have been highly succesful and all the clueless cool politicians are doing it. Gordon Brown, Nicolas Sarkozy & Kevin Rudd, just to name a few, are all intent on ramming through stimuli packages that take us one step closer to neo-marxism. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad, but I know Capitalism (in its current incarnation anyway) hasn't worked, but I have yet to see how Socialism has fared much better.

Anyway, Obammy informed the American people that the recession could evolve into a full-blown catastrophe without exactly $900 billion. OH MY!!! I know you can count me in, Mr. Obama. I'd do just about anything to avery a catastrophe, even one created precisely by the people you intend to bail out with my tax dollars. The government has a great track record when it comes to sorting out these types of dilemmas. We sure got a lot of bang for our $350 billion bucks with TARP 1. Banks have stopped hoarding and hemorrhaging cash, credit is restored and foreclosures have ground to a halt. And then we wake up . . . .

One would think that the American people have started to get wise to this sort of desperate ploy, and yet they haven't--not one bit. They still pray that the beneficent US government will save them with shovel ready jobs and tax credits for new car purchases. Yep, that oughta do it.

Presumptive HHS head Daschle drops out after tax flap; TREASURY SECRETARY cheats IRS - no problem

For fuck sake, it was only a Lexus!!

It seems that Tom Daschle was not aware that accepting the services of a hired car and driver from prominent DNC functionary Leo Hindery could be considered taxable income. And indeed, why ever would we expect our LAW MAKERS to apprise themselves of the tax codes which they themselves are repsonsible for creating and ammending. It should be noted that Daschle also served on the Senate Finance Committee and was the Senate Minority & Majority Leader at one time. Isn't it comforting to know that our best and brightest are also the most intelligent and honest . . .

But as Health & Human Services Director, at least Daschle wouldn't have his hand on the nation's purse strings. Little Timmy Geithner on the other hand is responsible for overseeing the Treasury of the wealthiest and most powerful nation on earth, and yet he couldn't manage to accurately calculate his tax burden. This does beg the question: why the fuck are we entrusting the nation's wealth to a man who has apparently dedicated his life to public finance and economics, and yet cannot be bothered to consult a tax attorney, or worse, simply believes he's above the plebian laws of the unwashed masses?

So to recap, Daschle and Richardson have both flunked the IRS/"pay to play" smell tests while Geithner has managed to squirm his way into office by virtue of his financial credentials and the impending economic holocaust we are cowed into believing only he and a few select gurus can avert. And I don't believe for a second that the final chapter has been written in the Blagojevich scandal. Now that's change you can believe in!

As it has now become apparent that our elected officials are suffering from selective tax burden amnesia, I for one would like to see each and every member of the House and Senate audited. Let's turn over all the rocks and see what comes crawling out into the light of day. Let's start with Frank, Pelosi, Reid and Dodd and work our way down from there. I'm sure we could turn up enough criminal malfeasance between those assholes to keep the wheels of justice turning for months.